Communicating during dating

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A number of years ago, a nationally syndicated cartoon ran the following comic strip. While his friend pays rapt attention, one of the men shares a recent personal revelation."If I had known what marriage was going to be like, I would have joined the debating team in high school." Hopefully for most people, marriage is not one long debate.But even if your negative feelings are vented in a more controlled fashion, i.e.if you use sarcasm, ridicule or verbal assaults, the communication will be anything but effective.Negative feelings have to be expressed in order for couples to be able to adapt and adjust to each other's needs.Holding in all negative feelings will do more harm than good, as tension builds up like an old fashioned pressure cooker.

It is no wonder, then, that many of the words to describe positive feelings begin with the letter "A." Unfortunately, in western society, people are much more experienced with negative feelings than they are with positive feelings.

But there are times in every marriage when spouses feel that they are not communicating effectively with each other.

The most obvious example is when couples are quarreling or fighting much too often.

In spite of what you say to the contrary, someone is convinced that you had malicious motives or harmful intentions.

Rule #3: Use more "I" statements and less "You" statements.

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